its been a week with one step backward

since I last posted.  I didnt realise until I had a look.

Not much has been happening really.

I took a step backwards again this week.

After the hairdressers on Wednesday, we met up with a friend for our ritual dinner at Pastizzi Cafe after the hairdressers.  We dont usually drink when we go there because it is a school night.  Our friend brought wine and after dinner we went to Bench, which is a small bar and had a glass of wine.  I, by this time was a little merry.

When we got home I had some more wine and hit that point where I want to get wasted, so had some weed as well.

I was in bed by about 11pm.  The next day I was twitchy and anxious.  I didnt have a hangover, but felt like crap.  I was feeling very low and weepy.  This resulted in two days off work 😦

Im feeling OK today.  Clearly, I need to avoid alcohol during the week and when I do drink on the weekends, need to be very careful.

bf and I have decided that mixing weed with my medication is not a good idea anymore.

I dont feel good about missing work.  Ive been doing OK with no days off work lately and been feeling a bit better than usual.

I wish I knew what has changed from being the person who never gets drunk to the person who wants to get wasted.  I dont like it.

A quiet weekend for us this weekend.

We are going to a turkish place for brekky tomorrow for something knew to try and then fencing later, due to missing it on Thursday.

And then it will be Monday and back to work.

And that is life…

friday night cocktail

We went out to Japanese and had a yummy dinner and three 300ml servings of sake.

I was feeling quite relaxed from the sake by this stage.  We went home and I had obviously passed that point where I want to drink more and get wasted.

So I suggested we go to a club where bf used to work, because I thought he might say yes.  I kind of wish now that he had said no, because there were poker machines there.

He suggested we finish of the half joint he had left over from last night, so we did.

On the way from the car to the club I took a couple of valiums.  Not that I needed them.

We only had a couple of drinks and stayed for around an hour because I didnt have much money with me and know I have no money on me.  My savings are in an account that I threw the attached card to it away, so on nights like this I dont touch it.

When we got home we had a couple of vodkas and cranberry and I took a sleeping pill.  Not that I would have needed it.

I have never done this kind of thing before.  Mixing alcohol, weed and prescription drugs, just because I want to get wasted.

Not a good sign.

I dont know where the need to get drunk/wasted came from, seeing I was always the one that everyone used to say never got drunk.  And I didnt.

It has only started in the last 2 – 4 years.

I used to always save my valium, so when I really needed it, I had some.

My regular GP, who I have been seeing for about 10 years give me valium, but I only usually get maybe two prescriptions a year these days.  The GP at the medical centre wont give me Valium.  From what I can gather it is not a drug given out easily here, so I dont want to lose the privilege of being able to get it from my GP.

I have been given a Health Care Pack (I think that is what it is called) that gives me 10 cheaper ($120) sessions with a therapist.

Maybe it is time to make that appointment.

last night

We went out for Lebanese and had some wine.

Then we bought some more and had that a home, which is why I got drunk.

I got stoned again for the second time in over a decade.

I messaged my sister after 1am, thankfully she was still awake, so she rang me and we spoke for ages and I waffled on.

I talk a lot when Im drunk.

At least Im a happy drunk.

And when I woke up this morning.  Lunch time actually.  I noticed that I had taken a sleeping tablet, which clearly was not necessary.

After alcohol and a joint, I would have slept fine.

No more alcohol or weed for me.