a whirlwind of a week

This week flew by.

It didnt start off so well.

I got annoyed because bf was going to the Sabre Centre again, for the fourth night in six days.

He chucked a major tanty and said he was was going to give up fencing.

It is rare that I get annoyed and compared to his mood swings, my “annoyed” is minor.

So he was in a “mood” all night.

Monday night we had tickets to see Placebo, who we have never seen live.

They sound great live!

IMG_3298IMG_3304 IMG_3305We didnt get to bed until around midnight, so really struggled to get up the next mornin.

So it was an early night the next night.

I manage to go to work everyday this week, which is Monday to Friday, as I have Friday’s off the for PTSD treatment programme.

That was today and it was not much fun.  I really find the reliving of the robberies quite difficult.

I seem to get very upset at the same stage every time.

Today, I also realised that when I am out and about, day or night, that I fear men, because of what they are capable of.

I also realised because of this, I dont like walking to anywhere, by myself, day or night, as it makes me very anxious and I am highly over vigilant.

I cant enjoy a relaxed stroll to the shops, or in a park etc. if I am alone.

The part of the reliving kept creeping into my mind this afternoon and I found myself getting upset, and havent been feeling too great this afternoon, due to the anxiety.

Surprisingly, bf sent me an SMS early afternoon, to ask if I was OK.

I wasnt sure what he was referring to, as it didnt occur to me that he would remember my Friday PTSD session and that I might not be feeling OK afterward.

I rang him and he told me I usually ring him after my PTSD session and I didnt today, and seem surprised.

It is me who is surprised!

I wouldnt have thought he could be that thoughtful or would have realised that I might not be alright afterwards.

Gold star for bf.

He even sent me an email with a link to cheer me up!

Me even more surprised.

I find the whole “hipster” movement entertaining.  My strange mind at work.

So he sent this link.


And yes, I did find it amusing.

I took the opportunity, as I have been feeling better, to ring Dad and just let him know things were getting better and I am feeling much better.

I dont want my calls to him to all be when Im feeling like crap and on the edge of feeling like I am losing it.

I was going to have a nap with kitty and I was trying to block out the memories of the robbery that upsets me the most, and found myself getting quite anxious and even felt the early stages of a panic attack.

I took a valium.  One usually softens the panic attack a little.

I finally fell asleep with kitty and since  have been up, still dont feel to great.

After strong anxiety or a panic attack, I find I feel “unwell”.  It is hard to explain.  All of me just feels crap and drained.

I had to cancel my Xtend Barre class :(.

I will make it to tomorrow’s class.

Depression wise, the Allegron is finally kicking in and is much better.

I dont know if Allegron will eventually help my anxiety or not.  Im hope so!

I cant believe how quick the weeks are going.  It’s a blur.

I hope you all had a good week.

So I will leave you with this “funny”.  I found it amusing.



the week did get better

It was a grim start to the week.

Thursday afternoon I realised how much work I had managed to do and how clear my head had been that day.

I wish everyday my mind was devoid of fog, like it was on Thursday.

It was a good day!  I need more of these days please!

I managed to do two Xtend Barre classes.

There was a mild blonde moment for the class I was supposed to do on Friday night.

In the morning I went to the PTSD programme, which is really not too much fun, having to relive the robberies.

Afterwards, I had booked myself in for a facial and neck and shoulder massage.

It was wonderful, a nice treat.

I chilled at home for a couple of hours and then went for a nap, with the class at 7.30pm set in my mind.

I woke up and there was a reminder on my phone that the class was at 6.15pm. 😦

It was about 6.30pm, so it had already started.

I now will need to do four classes next week.  😐

It is going to be a busy week.

Monday night – Placebo

Tuesday night – Xtend Barre

Wednesday night – Xtend Barre

Friday night & Saturday morning – Xtend Barre.

Tonight, we might go to a local restaurant for dinner, so we can relax over a couple of wines.

Tomorrow (Sunday), I am working, so home to catch up on some of those things on my long list of things to do!

I have randomly had some dark thoughts cross my mind this week, even after my good day on Thursday.

When “normal” people go through bad times, do they think to themselves by default, “I wish I was dead, then the pain would go away”?

I hope you all had some good times in the week. We all need a bit of relief from the madness sometimes.


We have tickets to Placebo for the end of February.

placebo sydney1378339675Placebo

We also have tickets to 30 Seconds to Mars and I cant wait!!!!


I also have a ticket to a viewing of their short film – Artifact.

This ticket also included a meet & greet with the band.

I will probably be the only person there that isnt a teenager.

Ive never met any of my favourite singers before.  I might feel a bit silly if everyone else is 13ish.

I wont screaming and carrying on like a teenager either.

Im worried I will cry, like I do when Im listening to their music.

No blubbering is involved, just slow, fat tears and the hurting I feel inside.

I really hope I dont feel too silly.