why does it have to be so hard

When a hurdle comes up, not easy ones, ones that cause stress and elevate my depression and anxiety.

The first thing I think of and wish for is for it to be over.  I just dont want to have to deal with this crap anymore.

Today, I managed to drag myself out of bed.  It was a little easier because kitty was making a racket and wanted to go outside.

Work was going OK until…

There are two contractors that have been here for at least 2 -3 years in my team.  They like to have chats (“bitch”) with each other about the amount of time I have had off work over the last 18 months.  They are contractors, why do they care?  It doesnt affect them in any way.  Do they seriously think I do it because I couldnt be bothered coming to work and if that was the case, it is none of their business.  They get paid and it’s not like they do the work I do when Im not here.

Our Team Leader, who is also a contractor, and only went into that position when our previous Team Leader left.  I am finding mostly that he is an easy person to work for/with.  I mentioned to him that the reason I have had so much time off is due to medical reasons and he said he didnt know.  I wonder why he thought I was taking so much time off?

I just dont need this shit from anyone.  All I need right now is something else to stress about and which will bring me down again. F**K!!!  It always seems to be one hurdle after another.  Why cant people just mind their own business and just work as a team.  There is definitely a lot of “I”s in this team.

They have their own thing going on between them with work and I have no idea what they are doing, they dont communicate with me what they are doing, so when I do something and I havent told them and they get pissed off.  They dont tell me, so how the F**K am I supposed to know.

I wish kitty and I could go to sleep and never wake up.  It would be so much easier.

F**K I hate people!  They make life so fn difficult.  (There is a small percentage of people I dont hate).  But the majority of people are selfish and it’s all about them and they dont give a shit about anyone else.

 

friday

How glad am I that it is Friday.

The weather is looking gloomy over the weekend, so it will be a good weekend to stay indoors.

No Park Run and no Boot Camp tomorrow.  Just chillin’ at home.

Im going to sleep in with the kitties.

bf is working all weekend, so it will be quiet and relaxing.

Catching up with a friend who moved interstate several years ago with other friends from here that know her.  It will be nice to see her.  All my good female friends have moved either interstate or overseas.  I have a few female friends here now, that I catch up with occasionally.

I dont have a lot of female friends because I have  come across some nasty women in the past, so now I am scared of women.  They can be so bitchy and evil.  It takes me a while to warm to new females.

I think a lot of humans in general do not have any consideration for other  people around them.  They dont care if they hurt someone else to get what they want, dont care who they have to walk all over and hurt to further themselves.

Also going to dinner tomorrow to catch up with a couple of other friends and then going to see my hairdressers, husbands band.  Blues/Roots band.  No idea what they are going to sound like, because I generally listen to Alternative Rock eg. Smashing Pumpkins, Manson, Linkin Park, 30 Seconds

For the rest of the weekend, I will be at home 🙂 with the kitties 🙂 in my PJs where it will be nice and quiet and warm. 🙂