This week flew by.
It didnt start off so well.
I got annoyed because bf was going to the Sabre Centre again, for the fourth night in six days.
He chucked a major tanty and said he was was going to give up fencing.
It is rare that I get annoyed and compared to his mood swings, my “annoyed” is minor.
So he was in a “mood” all night.
Monday night we had tickets to see Placebo, who we have never seen live.
They sound great live!
We didnt get to bed until around midnight, so really struggled to get up the next mornin.
So it was an early night the next night.
I manage to go to work everyday this week, which is Monday to Friday, as I have Friday’s off the for PTSD treatment programme.
That was today and it was not much fun. I really find the reliving of the robberies quite difficult.
I seem to get very upset at the same stage every time.
Today, I also realised that when I am out and about, day or night, that I fear men, because of what they are capable of.
I also realised because of this, I dont like walking to anywhere, by myself, day or night, as it makes me very anxious and I am highly over vigilant.
I cant enjoy a relaxed stroll to the shops, or in a park etc. if I am alone.
The part of the reliving kept creeping into my mind this afternoon and I found myself getting upset, and havent been feeling too great this afternoon, due to the anxiety.
Surprisingly, bf sent me an SMS early afternoon, to ask if I was OK.
I wasnt sure what he was referring to, as it didnt occur to me that he would remember my Friday PTSD session and that I might not be feeling OK afterward.
I rang him and he told me I usually ring him after my PTSD session and I didnt today, and seem surprised.
It is me who is surprised!
I wouldnt have thought he could be that thoughtful or would have realised that I might not be alright afterwards.
Gold star for bf.
He even sent me an email with a link to cheer me up!
Me even more surprised.
I find the whole “hipster” movement entertaining. My strange mind at work.
So he sent this link.
And yes, I did find it amusing.
I took the opportunity, as I have been feeling better, to ring Dad and just let him know things were getting better and I am feeling much better.
I dont want my calls to him to all be when Im feeling like crap and on the edge of feeling like I am losing it.
I was going to have a nap with kitty and I was trying to block out the memories of the robbery that upsets me the most, and found myself getting quite anxious and even felt the early stages of a panic attack.
I took a valium. One usually softens the panic attack a little.
I finally fell asleep with kitty and since have been up, still dont feel to great.
After strong anxiety or a panic attack, I find I feel “unwell”. It is hard to explain. All of me just feels crap and drained.
I had to cancel my Xtend Barre class :(.
I will make it to tomorrow’s class.
Depression wise, the Allegron is finally kicking in and is much better.
I dont know if Allegron will eventually help my anxiety or not. Im hope so!
I cant believe how quick the weeks are going. It’s a blur.
I hope you all had a good week.
So I will leave you with this “funny”. I found it amusing.