i have such a crap memory

Im currently tapering down from 200mg of Pristiq by 50mg every five days and when I get to 50mg, I am to add 25mg of Allegron and up by 25mg every week, until I get to 150mg.

Trouble is, I was to go down 50mg on Saturday and Im struggling to remember if I should be at 150mg or 100mg.

I THINK I took 100mg on Saturday and 150mg today, but probably should have been 100mg, as Im pretty sure I went from 200mg to 150mg last Monday.

My mind is so foggy.

Lucky for me, I can still find my way home, drive and remember how to do my job when Im at work.

Im not sure how I remember to do anything.

Im not sure what the cause of my crap memory is either.

Stress/Anxiety? Medication? Depression?

I wish I did know, so I could rectify it and my memory would be as good as it used to be.

It is because of my memory, that I dont do technical courses anymore, because I cant study and/or remember things to do the exams.

If I could, I would have been a lot further in my career by now.



australia day

One of my favourite public holidays is Australia Day.

I found this pic brought out by Vegemite, one of my most favourite foods!  Loving Vegemite and Australia, I thought this was an awesome pic.


I didnt achieve much on the day (bf was working), but the weather was perfect and I chilled out with the kitties at home for most of the day.

I did have to get up early and pick my car up from a service.  I took it in yesterday and bf dropped me home and dropped me there again to pick it up.  Bless him!

After that I had to go and have blood tests for many different things and a breath test.

My usual doctor is away on holidays until mid March!  What a life!

So there is a temp doctor there and I mentioned some of my issues, eg. anti depressants, regular fatigue (which has improved a little since taking the thyroid meds), my regular stomach issues that I have had for yeeears, but learned to live with them.

He suggested getting blood tests for various things and a breath test to see if I have a bacteria or something in my stomach.  I was surprised and very pleased when he suggested the tests, as neither of the two doctors I see ever suggested this.

SO, after that I went home and chilled with the kitties. One of my most favourite things to do.  🙂

Later in the day bf and I went to fencing and then went home to chill some more, as we had a few things on the next day (Sunday).

low thyroid

I started to read a book on Food & Mood and have ready other information on the internet re low thyroid.

I have had my levels checked and it is in the “average” range.

Where does this range come from?

What is the range?

When did doctors last update these levels?, as these “average” levels do not work for a large portion of the population.

Can they revisit these levels and see that they are not suitable for a lot of people?

If your levels are in the “average” range and you still have all the symptoms, do doctors not investigate further or realise that these levels dont work for everything and try you on a course of medication to see if it helps?

I talked to my doctor about my thyroid levels and asked him if I could try a course of medication to see if it helps, as I dont think the “average” levels are for everyone.  So he has given me a lose dose medication to try.

He said it cant hurt, as a lot of women as their doctors for the medication to lose weight.  (I didnt know that).

I guess it fastens their metabolism and helps them lose weight???  I havent lost any weight yet, but that was not my purpose, I just want to have energy like everyone else, as all I do around work is sleep.  Losing a little bit of weight would be a bonus though!

I have been on them for 1.5 weeks and this week I am finding it easier to get up in the morning,  not needing to nap for 2 – 3 hours after work, sleeping better and am more alert during the day and it hasnt even been 2 weeks!

I know it takes about 1 month for it to take full effect, so here’s hoping that the way Im feeling improves and remains.

AND Ive even done three blogs this week!!! and read some as well!!!

Watch this space…


mid week update – not much to tell…

All of Monday morning I had a sore stomach and felt nauseous all day.

On Tuesday I was feeling better and was only tired from going to bed around midnight.

I received my applications forms and police check forms for the voluntary compeer job.

I rang the lady who was the contact to ask if it mattered that I have depression and anxiety issues.

She advised that it definitely wouldnt be a factor that would stop me from volunteering.  Im glad she said that, I was a bit worried that I would be able to volunteer because of it.  I think suffering with these conditions is one of the reasons I volunteered.  I understand what it is like and also understand the stigma of having a mental illness in society.

She advised we would discuss it in the interview and they would have my therapist as a contact.  I advised her I dont have a therapist, that I control it only with medication.

If you get accepted after the interview, there is a two day course to complete.

Should be interesting.

Other than the compeer update, there is not much to tell so far this week. A bit blah really.

When I get home I just want to sleep (but what’s new), I guess going to bed after 11pm does not help.  I will have to try to get  to bed earlier.

I find it hard to go to bed early.  I always seem to find something to do to pass the time and end up going to bed late and cant get out of bed in the morning.

But other than that, this week has been OK.

Hope all your weeks are going OK.

its been a week with one step backward

since I last posted.  I didnt realise until I had a look.

Not much has been happening really.

I took a step backwards again this week.

After the hairdressers on Wednesday, we met up with a friend for our ritual dinner at Pastizzi Cafe after the hairdressers.  We dont usually drink when we go there because it is a school night.  Our friend brought wine and after dinner we went to Bench, which is a small bar and had a glass of wine.  I, by this time was a little merry.

When we got home I had some more wine and hit that point where I want to get wasted, so had some weed as well.

I was in bed by about 11pm.  The next day I was twitchy and anxious.  I didnt have a hangover, but felt like crap.  I was feeling very low and weepy.  This resulted in two days off work 😦

Im feeling OK today.  Clearly, I need to avoid alcohol during the week and when I do drink on the weekends, need to be very careful.

bf and I have decided that mixing weed with my medication is not a good idea anymore.

I dont feel good about missing work.  Ive been doing OK with no days off work lately and been feeling a bit better than usual.

I wish I knew what has changed from being the person who never gets drunk to the person who wants to get wasted.  I dont like it.

A quiet weekend for us this weekend.

We are going to a turkish place for brekky tomorrow for something knew to try and then fencing later, due to missing it on Thursday.

And then it will be Monday and back to work.

And that is life…


Last night I didnt go to bed until about 1.30am.  I was watching a music video TV show and reading blogs.

Whenever I got up, I got really dizzy and eventually was getting zaps from behind my left eye to the top of my head (on the inside).

It took a few times for this to happen and when I went to bed I realised I forgot to take my medication.

The zaps started to get more intense, so the anxiety set in.  When I get anxious I scratch my neck and my sides from the bottom of the ribs and my waist.

I went back to bed thinking it would go away if I went to sleep, but then thought if I left it any longer, by the time I got up in the morning I would be feeling much worse.

So  I had to get up again and I had to take 15mg of Valium and the medication I missed and then went back to bed again.

After a half an hour or so, I was still anxious and couldnt sleep, so took another 15mg of Valium.

Because I have been on it for years, it takes more to actually kick in.

I finally got to sleep about 2.30am ish and woke up around 9,30am because Neo wanted to snuggle and get a belly rub.

So now I was awake, so decided to get up when the  belly rub and snuggle was finished.

Had a cuppa, read some blogs and got read to go out with bf.

We went to replenish my drugs, did a little shopping and then went to the Sydney Dogs & Cats Home.

I have signed up to volunteer every couple of weeks to help with the kitties.  There were only a few kitties there, because the day before they had 4 or 5 adoptions.  Good to hear.  The guy said it coming into kitten season, so are expecting more soon.

Now I have to wait to hear from the person in charge of the volunteers.

Im getting sleepy now, so a nap will be in order soon.

But first we are going to sit in the backyard with the kitties, as Morpheus loves us sitting with him in the backyard.

We are supposed to be going out with one of bf’s friends tonight to catch up and he wants to go out dancing after.  I dont know that we will go for that.

I dont plan big nights, they just happen, so we will see how we go.

Off to have a glass of Rose in the backyard with bf and the kitties. 🙂  It is a beautiful day outside 🙂

still feeling ok


I still feel flat, flat, flat and other than my kitties, bf and blog, life still feels dull, dull, dull.

BUT, I am definitely better than I was.  I actually smile at people I dont know sometimes and even had a chat to a lady that I have seen at the  bus stop many, many times and I have hardly said “boo” to, until yesterday.  We had a nice chat on the bus about everyday stuff.

I would still rather stay at home in bed with the kitties all day.

Home is my “safe place” and my kitties are what have kept me from leaving this life.  I would never leave them without their Mummy.

When I went to the Black Dog Institute last year and completed a couple of very long questionnaires, I was told that I am mildly agoraphobic, which didn’t surprise me at all.  It made a lot of sense.

Hopefully the meds will at least keep me at this level.  I can exist with this, less depression and no panic attacks or anxiety.  At least I am making it to work more often now.  It was going to start to become a problem if I kept missing work any longer.

It would be nice to feel “normal” or what I imagine “normal” feels like.  Excited, motivated, energetic at times and maybe even not bored.

Maybe that comes when I am told I can stop taking the meds.  The doctor did say that eventually I shouldn’t need them.  I cant imagine it actually.

So who knows if it is going to get better than this?  The doctor made it sound like I would be very motivated and more energetic, but I’m not feeling that yet.

Im on the maximum dosage for Pristiq, so I’m not feeling very optimistic.  I can feel another drug coming on in the future. 😦

I have been motivated to do a Foreward and one chapter of my book.  Yey!  That’s a start.

If you’re reading/following my blog/s, I hope you’re finding them interesting enough and it’s not too boring.

I’m enjoying all your blogs  🙂