i feel so fat fat fat

Since this bout of depression started in 2010, I have gone from a nice size 10 to a not so nice size 13 in my jeans and not so nice medium sized tops.

I dont know if it is from the drugs, lack of exercise or food, OR a combination.

When the weather is warmer (now) I dont eat that much, but I still dont seem to get any lighter.

I feel so gross.  I really want to be a nice size 10 again.

I feel so unattractive.  Weight and the lovely bags I now have under my eyes, like my parents.  Not much I can do about them.

I feel so ugly.

I guess as I am older now as well, its not like anyone is going to look at me now anyway.

My days of boys looking at me are long gone.  I cant remember catching anyone looking at me for a long, long time.

Not that I am interested in finding another man, but it would be nice to feel like a nice size 10 and doing OK for my age.

I guess getting old and more unattractive is inevitable.

At least I met bf before I got fatter and uglier.

Im not sure why he stays sometimes.  He is nine years younger and we have been together nearly eight years., but I still think he is hot.

I would have thought he would have traded me in for a younger model by now.  I know he could get one and a much more attractive one at that!

I dont want to be so fat fat fat anymore 😦  I was used to being slim all my life until a few years ago.  It sucks 😦

BUT Im sure a lot of people out there have much more serious issues than my fatness.  I should be happy for what I have.

Why cant we be happy with what we have.  Im certainly better off than a lot of people…



I have been MIA lately.  We went on our mini break to Hawks Nest at Port Stephens and last week, I felt completely exhausted and my body ached all over like I had been running marathons.  I felt like I was about 90 years old.  All I can manage is getting out of bed and making it to the couch.

I went to the doctor and discussed this with him and after reading a couple of books re amino acids and food that can help your mood an energy levels.  The doctor has given me a low dose low thyroid medication.  He said if this is the issue, as I have a lot, if not all symptoms pointing to it, I should feel a difference in about a week.



I actually asked for the medication.  I told him I had a thyroid blood test and my level was normal, which is between a certain range.  I told him that I didnt believe that the “normal range” was good for everyone and he agreed that it was worth a try.

So this has kept me house ridden most of the week.  These symptoms are with me more often than not and are getting in the way of work and life.  Im hoping the medication my doctor has given me do the trick. It would be awesome to have some energy.  I cant remember what it feels like and maybe it will give me some much needed motivation as well.



feelin’ so fat

I used to be a nice thin sized 10.  I felt comfortable, even though some people told me I was too skinny.

Between last September ish and June 2012 I put on 10kgs and now I feel like a “fatty boom ba”!

Im assuming it was due to the lack of motivation and activity.

I try not to eat too much bad food.  The more I try not to the harder it is.

During the day at work it is generally pretty easy to eat good food.

But when I get home I crave norty food.

Hopefully if we start doing two classes of kung fu and the fencing once a week, I will start to lose some weight.

It just seems that if I even look at food I get and feel fatter.

I so want to be 57kg again!  Ive been told I was too skinny then, but I felt comfortable.

I still have my favourite jeans (3 pairs) that I really want to fit back into one day.

I just wish I could be more motivated to exercise more and more in control, so I wouldnt eat.

I am 6ft, so I can get away with a bit more than a shorter person, but I feel like a blob and even sometimes a beached whale!  Im so embarrassed of the way I look.  When I walk in the street I look at the ground.

Sometimes I catch people staring at me, I assume because of my huge thighs or bags under my eyes that I got from my mother because Im getting older.  😦

I wish I never had to go outside.  My kitties dont care what I look like or what I wear.  They love me anyways 🙂