i feel so fat fat fat

Since this bout of depression started in 2010, I have gone from a nice size 10 to a not so nice size 13 in my jeans and not so nice medium sized tops.

I dont know if it is from the drugs, lack of exercise or food, OR a combination.

When the weather is warmer (now) I dont eat that much, but I still dont seem to get any lighter.

I feel so gross.  I really want to be a nice size 10 again.

I feel so unattractive.  Weight and the lovely bags I now have under my eyes, like my parents.  Not much I can do about them.

I feel so ugly.

I guess as I am older now as well, its not like anyone is going to look at me now anyway.

My days of boys looking at me are long gone.  I cant remember catching anyone looking at me for a long, long time.

Not that I am interested in finding another man, but it would be nice to feel like a nice size 10 and doing OK for my age.

I guess getting old and more unattractive is inevitable.

At least I met bf before I got fatter and uglier.

Im not sure why he stays sometimes.  He is nine years younger and we have been together nearly eight years., but I still think he is hot.

I would have thought he would have traded me in for a younger model by now.  I know he could get one and a much more attractive one at that!

I dont want to be so fat fat fat anymore 😦  I was used to being slim all my life until a few years ago.  It sucks 😦

BUT Im sure a lot of people out there have much more serious issues than my fatness.  I should be happy for what I have.

Why cant we be happy with what we have.  Im certainly better off than a lot of people…

skinny love

Well Im certainly not feeling it.

Skinny.

I just seem to getting bigger and bigger.

Clothes are getting tighter and tighter.

Im feeling fatter and fatter and more uncomfortable and more uncomfortable. AND crapper and crapper.

When Im at work I do alright with my eating.  At the mo I eating :

Breakfast – Miso soup and green tea.

Morning – 2 x white teas, 1 x carrot, 6 x cherry tomatoes, 6 x cos lettuce leaves, sometimes a few sticks of celery.

Lunch – 1 x celebrity slim shake in 600ml water or a tuna sandwich on multi grain bread

Afternoon – 1 x yoghurt or piece of fruit

When I get home – usually 2 x toast with Vegemite and maybe a slice of cheese on top.

Home is where I have the trouble.

Dinner varies.  Last week was quick, not so healthy food.

I dont seem to have any strength at home OR motivation to exercise.

I am doing fencing once a week at the moment and we are going to try and keep doing the kung fu, when we find out what our new fencing schedule will be when we go to the next level in 2 weeks (if I pass the comp).

Need my motivation to come back.

I never used to have to worry about weight, but now I cant stop growing outwards ! 😦

It’s not doing my self esteem and confidence any good.  I walk around looking at the ground.

I catch people looking at me in the street and I swear it has to be because my jeans must look too tight 😦

feelin’ so fat

I used to be a nice thin sized 10.  I felt comfortable, even though some people told me I was too skinny.

Between last September ish and June 2012 I put on 10kgs and now I feel like a “fatty boom ba”!

Im assuming it was due to the lack of motivation and activity.

I try not to eat too much bad food.  The more I try not to the harder it is.

During the day at work it is generally pretty easy to eat good food.

But when I get home I crave norty food.

Hopefully if we start doing two classes of kung fu and the fencing once a week, I will start to lose some weight.

It just seems that if I even look at food I get and feel fatter.

I so want to be 57kg again!  Ive been told I was too skinny then, but I felt comfortable.

I still have my favourite jeans (3 pairs) that I really want to fit back into one day.

I just wish I could be more motivated to exercise more and more in control, so I wouldnt eat.

I am 6ft, so I can get away with a bit more than a shorter person, but I feel like a blob and even sometimes a beached whale!  Im so embarrassed of the way I look.  When I walk in the street I look at the ground.

Sometimes I catch people staring at me, I assume because of my huge thighs or bags under my eyes that I got from my mother because Im getting older.  😦

I wish I never had to go outside.  My kitties dont care what I look like or what I wear.  They love me anyways 🙂

me

If I was asked what I like about myself, I wouldnt say I like much at all.

I often wonder what my bf likes about me.

He says he likes me, but I dont know why.

My forearms are  thin, but I dont think much else is very nice.

I have put on about 10kgs in the last 12 months and it is the heaviest I have ever been.

I have put on a whole dress size.  I am 6ft and can pull it off to a certain degree, but I feel so fat.  I am now a size 12.

I feel so unattractive.

If men or women look at me in the street, I think they are looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

I wont look at people in the eye in the street because I feel so unattractive.

I feel ugly and fat.

I still have my old favourite jeans when I was my ideal weight of about 63kgs and now I am just over 70kgish.  Im not sure what my weight is exactly anymore because I dont want to weigh myself.

I try to eat right and not eat naughty things, but I often do because I want something yummy and comforting.

I dont drink much, but when I do I feel the need to get drunk.  Im not sure why.  I assume it is so I can feel free and not remember.

I dont know.