feelin’ so low

The last few days have been a tad bleak.

On Sunday night, I was fine.

When bf and I were in bed, he had just turned off his phone, which he had been reading something on, and closed his eyes.

I asked him a question and he gruffly replied he was trying to sleep.

That was the trigger.  That was all it took.

I laid awake for hours, initially wondering why he was with me still and if he liked me or what he liked about me.

I also brought some bad dating memories out of the archives, way back in the archives, that I had completely forgot about and stewed/stressed on them for hours.

I ended up crying for a while and then getting up and sitting on the back stairs for a cigarette for some more crying.

On Monday, I felt so low and Im sure tiredness did not help.

I had an appointment with the GP to have my stitches checked.  I had a skin check last week and all was fine.  I also had a growth on my stomach and had it removed and stitches were required.

The GP advised the growth just looked like overgrown scar tissue, but sent it away anyway to have it checked.

Whilst the GP was cleaning and redressing the stitches I started to quietly cry.  I put my sunnies on so she wouldnt notice.

When we were at her desk afterward, I started crying again and she asked what was up and I told her I was having a bad day and felt really depressed.

I reminded her that I was tapering of Pristiq and was on the lowest dosage of 50mg and was due to start Allegron on Monday night.

Whilst she was checking my stitches, she had the “office” girl ring Medicare to see if I had any visits on my Health Care Plan from last year left.

I did, so she was able to book me in with a Psychologist that afternoon in the same medical centre.

You can get 10 free visits a year (covered by Medicare) with a psychologist and more if recommended by the psychologist. I think they call it a Health Care Plan.  I found out about it from a previous GP.  It wasnt something I was aware was available.  Im not sure it is widely know by the general public.

I went and saw Kristina (the psychologist) later than afternoon and had another cry.  I was very depressed.

I gave her an overview from 2006 and will be going back to see her next week.  She seemed quite nice and said she wanted to help me feel better again.

It would be so nice to have motivation, energy and feel happy again.  I cant remember when I last was like this.

My memory is crap though.

Last night I asked bf to put his arm around me, as I wasnt feeling great and after he fell asleep, I had another little cry.

I tend to not cry around him, because it makes him feel uncomfortable and he doesnt know what to do.

As I was a bit quieter than usual, bf thought I was peeved at him, so therefore became peeved at me and hardly talked to me on Monday or Tuesday.

This always seems to happen when I am depressed.

This did not help.

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so far

Well this week is my first week back at work and am acting in my new position as Tier 2 Technology Team Leader.

It is going to be a challenge to get the two boys in that area to be a little more enthused about work and change, but I guess that’s all part of being a Team Leader.

The thyroid drugs the doctor gave me at the end of 2012 seem to be helping my energy levels.

I have had to go from 50mg t0 150mg.

It is SO GREAT to not be tired all the time!  I can wake up easily in the morning and dont need to nap as often after work.

I have only been on the new dosage for about 1 – 2 weeks, so will have to see if it continues to help.

When I first started taking 50mg it was good for about a week and then “nothing”, so upped it to 100mg, which last for about a week or two, so now have to see if 150mg will continue to help.

I have so much more energy and I talk more and sometimes cant keep still.  🙂

I hope your year is going well so far.  I know it isnt for some, so really hope that it turns around for you soon.

low thyroid

I started to read a book on Food & Mood and have ready other information on the internet re low thyroid.

I have had my levels checked and it is in the “average” range.

Where does this range come from?

What is the range?

When did doctors last update these levels?, as these “average” levels do not work for a large portion of the population.

Can they revisit these levels and see that they are not suitable for a lot of people?

If your levels are in the “average” range and you still have all the symptoms, do doctors not investigate further or realise that these levels dont work for everything and try you on a course of medication to see if it helps?

I talked to my doctor about my thyroid levels and asked him if I could try a course of medication to see if it helps, as I dont think the “average” levels are for everyone.  So he has given me a lose dose medication to try.

He said it cant hurt, as a lot of women as their doctors for the medication to lose weight.  (I didnt know that).

I guess it fastens their metabolism and helps them lose weight???  I havent lost any weight yet, but that was not my purpose, I just want to have energy like everyone else, as all I do around work is sleep.  Losing a little bit of weight would be a bonus though!

I have been on them for 1.5 weeks and this week I am finding it easier to get up in the morning,  not needing to nap for 2 – 3 hours after work, sleeping better and am more alert during the day and it hasnt even been 2 weeks!

I know it takes about 1 month for it to take full effect, so here’s hoping that the way Im feeling improves and remains.

AND Ive even done three blogs this week!!! and read some as well!!!

Watch this space…

 

neglect

Hello lovely fellow blogees

I have been terribly neglectful of late.  I dont have any really great excuses.

Ive been very unmotivated to anything, but work, sleep, watching TV on my laptop and hanging with my kitties.  Oh and dragging myself to fencing once a week.  I couldnt even do that on Saturday, I spent most of the day in bed.

I have even been very slack at reading your blogs.

Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unmotivated to anything.

Other than than Im feeling OK.  The depression has been minding its own business and leaving me alone most of the time.  bf on the other hand has been a grumpy ass!

He found a packet of cigarettes on the window sill and they were a brand I dont smoke normally.  When I get a bit merry, I sometimes smoke and probably bought them at a pub.  I dont even remember when they are from.  It must have been ages ago!

Because of this he is suspicious that I am cheating.  I mean really!  I can barely get myself out of bed, let alone find another man to cheat with.  I’d rather lick the back stairs.  It would require a lot less energy and Im a bit of a germaphobe, so that is saying something.

He also cracked the poos because I wanted him to try and change a doctors appointment by just ringing up and asking, so I wouldnt have to have a day off.  He said it made him feel like I thought he was worthless and not having a day off was more important.  Not what I meant at all.

I kinda hurts that he would think I think that low of him and that I would cheat on him.

I told him that there are times he goes to product launches and goes out with the boys that I could think that, but I take his word for it that he wont cheat.  That’s all I have, is his word and I trust him on that.

So I hope you’re all well, I know some of you wont be.  Hugs to everyone that wants or needs one.

I will try to motivate myself and keep you up to date and read what’s going on in your life.

xxxxxoooooo

m.i.a

I have been MIA lately.  We went on our mini break to Hawks Nest at Port Stephens and last week, I felt completely exhausted and my body ached all over like I had been running marathons.  I felt like I was about 90 years old.  All I can manage is getting out of bed and making it to the couch.

I went to the doctor and discussed this with him and after reading a couple of books re amino acids and food that can help your mood an energy levels.  The doctor has given me a low dose low thyroid medication.  He said if this is the issue, as I have a lot, if not all symptoms pointing to it, I should feel a difference in about a week.

 

 

I actually asked for the medication.  I told him I had a thyroid blood test and my level was normal, which is between a certain range.  I told him that I didnt believe that the “normal range” was good for everyone and he agreed that it was worth a try.

So this has kept me house ridden most of the week.  These symptoms are with me more often than not and are getting in the way of work and life.  Im hoping the medication my doctor has given me do the trick. It would be awesome to have some energy.  I cant remember what it feels like and maybe it will give me some much needed motivation as well.