feelin’ so fat

I used to be a nice thin sized 10.  I felt comfortable, even though some people told me I was too skinny.

Between last September ish and June 2012 I put on 10kgs and now I feel like a “fatty boom ba”!

Im assuming it was due to the lack of motivation and activity.

I try not to eat too much bad food.  The more I try not to the harder it is.

During the day at work it is generally pretty easy to eat good food.

But when I get home I crave norty food.

Hopefully if we start doing two classes of kung fu and the fencing once a week, I will start to lose some weight.

It just seems that if I even look at food I get and feel fatter.

I so want to be 57kg again!  Ive been told I was too skinny then, but I felt comfortable.

I still have my favourite jeans (3 pairs) that I really want to fit back into one day.

I just wish I could be more motivated to exercise more and more in control, so I wouldnt eat.

I am 6ft, so I can get away with a bit more than a shorter person, but I feel like a blob and even sometimes a beached whale!  Im so embarrassed of the way I look.  When I walk in the street I look at the ground.

Sometimes I catch people staring at me, I assume because of my huge thighs or bags under my eyes that I got from my mother because Im getting older.  😦

I wish I never had to go outside.  My kitties dont care what I look like or what I wear.  They love me anyways 🙂

me

If I was asked what I like about myself, I wouldnt say I like much at all.

I often wonder what my bf likes about me.

He says he likes me, but I dont know why.

My forearms are  thin, but I dont think much else is very nice.

I have put on about 10kgs in the last 12 months and it is the heaviest I have ever been.

I have put on a whole dress size.  I am 6ft and can pull it off to a certain degree, but I feel so fat.  I am now a size 12.

I feel so unattractive.

If men or women look at me in the street, I think they are looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

I wont look at people in the eye in the street because I feel so unattractive.

I feel ugly and fat.

I still have my old favourite jeans when I was my ideal weight of about 63kgs and now I am just over 70kgish.  Im not sure what my weight is exactly anymore because I dont want to weigh myself.

I try to eat right and not eat naughty things, but I often do because I want something yummy and comforting.

I dont drink much, but when I do I feel the need to get drunk.  Im not sure why.  I assume it is so I can feel free and not remember.

I dont know.