im bad

It was Fathers Day yesterday and I didnt contact my Dad.

As I said in a previous post, I think I have been put in the “too hard basket” by my family, which is why I dont hear from them much.

I in turn have done the same thing, because it is  just stress I dont need.

But I have done this to people in general.  There not in my “too hard basket” or maybe they are, I dont know, but if it is someone I dont hear from much, I just tend to shut them out.

I hibernate.  It is less stressful to be at home with the kitties and bf in my safe place and just forget about the humans in the outside world.

It isnt that I hate them, but it is just easier.

Some of my friends I like very much and if they need my help and I could actually help, I would not hesitate.

Well Dad has just SMSed me asking how I am and really just dont want to reply.

I just want to disappear, but if I dont reply he might worry.

Ahhhhhhhhh, what to do…



my mum

I miss my mum.

I miss her hugs.  Noone else can match her hugs.  Im never going to have one of her hugs again.

Mum passed away February 2007 from cancer.

She ate healthy, exercised, didnt smoke, drank a shandy maybe once a year and was a good person.

She didnt deserve it.

There are so many bad people out there that arent good people that deserve it more than all the good people that get cancer.

Dad didnt help.  The lies about his girlfriend, that he told her he never had.

I still think stress can contribute to people getting cancer.

Stringing her on for so long.  She loved him.  I dont think she knew how to love anyone else after 43 years of marraige.

Dad and his girlfriend are happy together.  Ive accepted it because he is my Dad and the only one I will ever have.  BUT I will never forgive him.

Nan (Mum’s Mum) passed away last year.  I hope they are together wherever they are.  Keeping each other company.