We have tickets to Placebo for the end of February.

placebo sydney1378339675Placebo

We also have tickets to 30 Seconds to Mars and I cant wait!!!!


I also have a ticket to a viewing of their short film – Artifact.

This ticket also included a meet & greet with the band.

I will probably be the only person there that isnt a teenager.

Ive never met any of my favourite singers before.  I might feel a bit silly if everyone else is 13ish.

I wont screaming and carrying on like a teenager either.

Im worried I will cry, like I do when Im listening to their music.

No blubbering is involved, just slow, fat tears and the hurting I feel inside.

I really hope I dont feel too silly.


why does 30 seconds to mars make me cry

Ive been listening to 30 Seconds to Mars a lot of the last few weeks.

Years ago when I was having really bad panic attacks I was listening to Savage Garden to get me through it.  Their music is not my usual.

Particular songs make me cry.  I can feel my heart hurting.

Something I am not used to.  For the last couple of years the Pristiq made me feel nothing.  Numb.

City of Angels, This is War, 100 Suns, Hurricane and a few others make me cry and I feel the hurt inside.

I listen to them when I am feeling depressed or anxious.  To help me get through what I am feeling.

I do miss feeling numb, so I dont feel the hurt, the pain, the depression, the anxiety…

I sat on the back stairs last Friday night and just listened to their music and watched one of their videos, because I was feeling so much anxiety and depression.  I used it to make me cry and to get past the emotions I was feeling.

I needed something to distract me from the scary thoughts that run through my head.  Suicidal thoughts scare me.

my thoughts scare me

I had a bit of a sleep in this morning.

Logged into work remotely and worked until about 7.15pm.

I get so much done, because no one interrupts me and I dont get sidetracked chatting to people.

Working from home is great, but I would only want to do it once a week, just so I can get work done.

Earlier this evening, I was watching some of the newer 30 Seconds to Mars music videos, which I hadnt seen, because I hardly turn the TV on anymore.

30 Seconds to Mars music videos

I only just remembered maybe yesterday, that I record a music video show that is on Saturday mornings, and I havent watched it for weeks.

For some reason they make me cry.


We are going to see 30 Seconds to Mars at the end of March and I cant wait.

Last time they were here a couple of years ago, I was in a depression that I have had since 2010, and gave the tickets to one of bfs friends.

I love Jared Leto, he is sooo pretty.

More Jared Leto pics.

I found on the internet tonight that they are also doing a showing of their Artifact short movie at a cinema in Sydney and for $250, I can meet them along with many others Im sure, before the movie.

It is probably something only young people do and would probably be the only grown up there, but I really, really want to go.

bf would never pay it, but I really want to.  I am worried though, that I will cry in front of them, like some 12 year old.  How embarrassing.

All  I seem to do is cry these days.

I was sitting on the back stairs, wishing I didnt feel so crap (psychologically) and then making something to eat and thoughts of suicide kept creeping into my head.  The same suicide scenario that I always play in my mind.

Ive been feeling quite anxious as well.

Im finding it a bit scary.

bf is home, so Im out of here.  He doesnt know I have a blog or about these thoughts.

listening to

I like to watch music video shows on the weekend, so I can find new music to listen to.

My favourites lately have been :  Birdy, Pink and Florence & the Machine.

A couple of new albums I think I will like, that I havent listened to much yet are :

No Doubt – Push & Shove

Muse – 2nd Law

BUT, I will still be sticking with my favourite bands and will love them always, and loving their lastest albums (shown below).

Smashing Pumpkins – Oceania

Marilyn Manson – Born Vilian

Linkin Park – Living Things

30 Seconds To Mars – This is War

What are you listening to at the moment?

Am I missing out on some great music that you are listening to?