from drug to drug to drug to…

lovan

pristiq

allegron

zoloft

and now endep

Im doubtful that it will work

Im doubtful any will anymore

Im stuck with my head until i dont wake up again

 

Advertisements

over humans & everything else

Since the restructure/merger at work, I hate going to work and a lot of the humans that we inherited from another department.

They are not nice people and a lot of my colleagues left or didnt get jobs in the restructure.

I think things are going to get much worse at work, before they get better, if they ever do.

The office politics that came with one department is too much for me.  I dont have the strength or energy for their shit and cant find another job until my health improves, if it ever does.

I dont think my bf is my forever human and feel so alone going through it all.

 

need to get everything in order

financials etc.

Lots of planning, so it doesnt leave too much work or mess for those left behind

Sell a property.

Set another property up as a holiday stay to pay our mortgages off properly

I still dont know who to put down as my beneficiary as on my funeral insurance, as I dont feel confident bf would look after kitty like I would.

And dont know whether to change the beneficiary of my Super to someone else or a charity.

 

Given Up

Not having a good day today.

Driving around in my car today, I actually listened to the lyrics sung by Chester Bennington from Linkin Park to the song Given Up.

I have been very emotional and teary for the rest of the day since realising what the lyrics were.

It still saddens me that he is gone, but listening to these lyrics, I can completely understand why.

They make so much sense in my head.

I have been thinking about how much of a relief it would be to not have to be here anymore and feel the way I do.

The only reason I have made it this far, is I dont know who will look after my 17 year old kitty like I do if I was not around anymore.

AND

I dont know quite how to end it without too much pain and be successful.

GIVEN UP lyrics

Wake in a sweat again
Another day’s been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I’ll never leave this place
There’s no escape
I’m my own worst enemy

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

I don’t know what to take
Thought I was focused, but I’m scared
I’m not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow, somewhere
And no one cares
I’m my own worst enemy

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me

God!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me….