(this post was written a couple of months ago. I found it in my drafts today)
Life is not really doing it for me this year.
I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
I just want to give up.
The drugs are not really working at all.
We are going through a restructure at work, which is not helping.
We have four new Directors at work, as our old Directors were not reappointed. This was a big surprise to the staff.
Quite a number of colleagues that I have worked with for many years have not been successful with obtaining roles that they have been doing for a long time. A lot of them are not feeling very good about themselves and are not happy. Through this process have discovered that I care about them quite a lot and it hurts to see them feeling like this.
I also am feeling so worthless due to this process. I wasnt successful in obtaining a job at the same level that I have been working in for a couple of years and was told that I am not technical enough for the next level down, even though I have been in IT for 20 years and noone has ever complained about my work. This was a slap to the face.
I feel like crap and everything makes me cry. Im crying everyday.
Last night I went out with the girls, which was fun. They are a great bunch of girls. I only get to do it usually once a year, as they live in another state.
I have not felt attractive for many years now and even though I have been with my bf for 11 years, last night my friends were all getting attention from men and I did not get any attention at all. I put this down to not being attractive. I feel ugly. It would have been nice to get some attention, just so it would maybe make feel less ugly.
I dont like Sydney anymore. Humans are not nice to other humans and are so self absorbed.
I wish I could move away and not have to deal with humans anymore.
Never waking up again would be an easier option.