a small downward spiral

Tonight I am not feeling so great.

I had a reasonably good day today, even if my head was a little foggy.

I got a couple of annoying messages on my way home, which made me somewhat angry.

And have spiralled downward since and am feeling more depressed as the night goes on.

Thoughts of death have even managed to creep in a few times.

Since the 60 Day Challenge finished about 3 – 4 weeks ago, I have been good and have kept up the 2 – 3 classes a week of Extend Barre.

This week I skipped all three classes and have spent all my spare time at home.

I wonder if not exercising has contributed.

They say exercise is good for depression.

Maybe it is a combination of no exercise and the annoying phone call.

So maybe I should try really hard next week to do my classes.

 

I read my last post (evening out).

It made me feel sad that I have to feel that way.

I am also going back to fencing tomorrow.

I had to stop last April, as I was finding it increasingly difficult to fence.

I would get on the piste and I would be so anxious, my mind went blank.

Going back tomorrow has been on my mind over the last couple of weeks.

I am feeling anxious about it, but used to enjoy it, so should go back.

It will also make bf happy.

He is now instructing there 3 – 4 nights a week, so we havent had as much time to spend with each other.

I have not been sure and am still not sure that I can enjoy it again.

The idea of fencing someone, the competing nature of fencing, is daunting me.

Im not an overt person and do not like the idea of having to compete.  And competing against someone who takes it way too seriously.

And there are a few of them.

I just dont think it is in my nature.

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