a roller coaster ride

Since my last post, I have been busy working, ptsd sessions, 60 Day Challenge x 3 per week.

The weeks have been a blur.

Its Monday again and then its Saturday and then its Monday again.

The not so new drug is still a roller coaster ride.

The doctor reduced the drug by 25mg, as I started to have regular panic attacks (which I havent had for ages) and after two weeks of several panic attacks, I couldnt bare the thought of having to deal with them again, and after two weeks was worn out and emotional.

The panic attacks did subside, but I was still getting wired after a few days and having at least one a week.

So, as my GP is on holidays for two months, I decided to reduce the dosage by 25mg.  That was just over a week ago and I havent had any panic attacks.

I didnt get to bed until 3am and couldnt sleep, so had to take a valium.  I slept for a couple of hours and then was wide awake, and because I couldnt get back to sleep, I started to get very anxious and couldnt seem to calm myself, so took another two valium as I could feel panic creeping in.

I know its all in the mind that gets me to the panic stage, but I havent quite mastered doing it without the valium when I get overtired.

I also know that if I go to bed too late, this is what happens.

We went out for Japanese and then met up with some friends to celebrate my birthday and another friends birthday, which were both last week.

Ive had the last week and a bit off, as there were three public holidays, so was able to have 10 days off and only use three days leave.

The week before we met my sister and my brothers house for his birthday and also got to know his family a bit more, as we havent seen them for a few years.

His little girls (my nieces) are so beautiful.  I envy what he has, but with my psychological issues, am glad we didnt have kids.  It would not be an ideal environment to bring up kids in.

So its back to work tomorrow and the busy schedule starts again.

Work, Extend Barre x 3 per week and Im going back to fencing next week.

I have noticed that when I was busy, I didnt get to think too much.

Over the last week and a half, that I have not been at work, Ive become more depressed and started isolating myself again.

Ive made an appointment with a psychiatrist, but it isnt until the June 6th, so I hope the roller coaster doesnt get too scary between now and then.

I also hope the psych can help me with getting my drugs right.

I hope youre all doing OK out there.  I havent been reading blogs either, due to the weeks being a blur and when I isolate myself I also disappear online.

So hopefully I read more blogs, when I get back into a routine, which Im hoping reduces my isolation.

I hope everyone had a great Easter.

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4 thoughts on “a roller coaster ride

    • Thanks for your crossed fingers. I havent sucessfully found a psych to help me manage my meds. They are either ridiculously expensive or for people living on pensions or homeless. It is good to know there is something available for those who dont have as much as we do. There doesnt seem to be anyone for people in between, who work, have a mortgage and their budget just doesnt have that much extra to spend over $500 on a psych.

  1. Sending hugs and support. I hope the panic attacks stay away now, they are horrible. I think being busy can be helpful, but make sure you have some time to rest too otherwise you’ll burn yourself out. xxxx

    • Thank you for your support and hugs. I really miss hugs. I havent been able to read any comments for a while. When I go into my downward spiral I isolate myself from everything.

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