This week flew by.
It didnt start off so well.
I got annoyed because bf was going to the Sabre Centre again, for the fourth night in six days.
He chucked a major tanty and said he was was going to give up fencing.
It is rare that I get annoyed and compared to his mood swings, my “annoyed” is minor.
So he was in a “mood” all night.
Monday night we had tickets to see Placebo, who we have never seen live.
They sound great live!
So it was an early night the next night.
I manage to go to work everyday this week, which is Monday to Friday, as I have Friday’s off the for PTSD treatment programme.
That was today and it was not much fun. I really find the reliving of the robberies quite difficult.
I seem to get very upset at the same stage every time.
Today, I also realised that when I am out and about, day or night, that I fear men, because of what they are capable of.
I also realised because of this, I dont like walking to anywhere, by myself, day or night, as it makes me very anxious and I am highly over vigilant.
I cant enjoy a relaxed stroll to the shops, or in a park etc. if I am alone.
The part of the reliving kept creeping into my mind this afternoon and I found myself getting upset, and havent been feeling too great this afternoon, due to the anxiety.
Surprisingly, bf sent me an SMS early afternoon, to ask if I was OK.
I wasnt sure what he was referring to, as it didnt occur to me that he would remember my Friday PTSD session and that I might not be feeling OK afterward.
I rang him and he told me I usually ring him after my PTSD session and I didnt today, and seem surprised.
It is me who is surprised!
I wouldnt have thought he could be that thoughtful or would have realised that I might not be alright afterwards.
Gold star for bf.
He even sent me an email with a link to cheer me up!
Me even more surprised.
I find the whole “hipster” movement entertaining. My strange mind at work.
So he sent this link.
And yes, I did find it amusing.
I took the opportunity, as I have been feeling better, to ring Dad and just let him know things were getting better and I am feeling much better.
I dont want my calls to him to all be when Im feeling like crap and on the edge of feeling like I am losing it.
I was going to have a nap with kitty and I was trying to block out the memories of the robbery that upsets me the most, and found myself getting quite anxious and even felt the early stages of a panic attack.
I took a valium. One usually softens the panic attack a little.
I finally fell asleep with kitty and since have been up, still dont feel to great.
After strong anxiety or a panic attack, I find I feel “unwell”. It is hard to explain. All of me just feels crap and drained.
I had to cancel my Xtend Barre class :(.
I will make it to tomorrow’s class.
Depression wise, the Allegron is finally kicking in and is much better.
I dont know if Allegron will eventually help my anxiety or not. Im hope so!
I cant believe how quick the weeks are going. It’s a blur.
I hope you all had a good week.
So I will leave you with this “funny”. I found it amusing.