a whirlwind of a week

This week flew by.

It didnt start off so well.

I got annoyed because bf was going to the Sabre Centre again, for the fourth night in six days.

He chucked a major tanty and said he was was going to give up fencing.

It is rare that I get annoyed and compared to his mood swings, my “annoyed” is minor.

So he was in a “mood” all night.

Monday night we had tickets to see Placebo, who we have never seen live.

They sound great live!

IMG_3298IMG_3304 IMG_3305We didnt get to bed until around midnight, so really struggled to get up the next mornin.

So it was an early night the next night.

I manage to go to work everyday this week, which is Monday to Friday, as I have Friday’s off the for PTSD treatment programme.

That was today and it was not much fun.  I really find the reliving of the robberies quite difficult.

I seem to get very upset at the same stage every time.

Today, I also realised that when I am out and about, day or night, that I fear men, because of what they are capable of.

I also realised because of this, I dont like walking to anywhere, by myself, day or night, as it makes me very anxious and I am highly over vigilant.

I cant enjoy a relaxed stroll to the shops, or in a park etc. if I am alone.

The part of the reliving kept creeping into my mind this afternoon and I found myself getting upset, and havent been feeling too great this afternoon, due to the anxiety.

Surprisingly, bf sent me an SMS early afternoon, to ask if I was OK.

I wasnt sure what he was referring to, as it didnt occur to me that he would remember my Friday PTSD session and that I might not be feeling OK afterward.

I rang him and he told me I usually ring him after my PTSD session and I didnt today, and seem surprised.

It is me who is surprised!

I wouldnt have thought he could be that thoughtful or would have realised that I might not be alright afterwards.

Gold star for bf.

He even sent me an email with a link to cheer me up!

Me even more surprised.

I find the whole “hipster” movement entertaining.  My strange mind at work.

So he sent this link.


And yes, I did find it amusing.

I took the opportunity, as I have been feeling better, to ring Dad and just let him know things were getting better and I am feeling much better.

I dont want my calls to him to all be when Im feeling like crap and on the edge of feeling like I am losing it.

I was going to have a nap with kitty and I was trying to block out the memories of the robbery that upsets me the most, and found myself getting quite anxious and even felt the early stages of a panic attack.

I took a valium.  One usually softens the panic attack a little.

I finally fell asleep with kitty and since  have been up, still dont feel to great.

After strong anxiety or a panic attack, I find I feel “unwell”.  It is hard to explain.  All of me just feels crap and drained.

I had to cancel my Xtend Barre class :(.

I will make it to tomorrow’s class.

Depression wise, the Allegron is finally kicking in and is much better.

I dont know if Allegron will eventually help my anxiety or not.  Im hope so!

I cant believe how quick the weeks are going.  It’s a blur.

I hope you all had a good week.

So I will leave you with this “funny”.  I found it amusing.



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