all i can remember through the blur

I typed in some reminders re

“thursday friday weekend I have to go to work, but I so need more time to sort my head out and hopefully more time to let the drugs in my system settle.”

Thats what I was thinking of blogging about, but ran out of time, and now its a whole week later and cant remember that far back.

I do remember Friday, not last week, the week before.  I didnt go to the PTSD clinic.  I woke up and felt so drugged, that I didnt get out of bed until between 1pm & 2pm.

I did manage to ring and let the clinic know, before I went back to sleep.

I have no idea what I did last Saturday.On the Sunday (a week ago), we got up early and drove to Coogee Beach for brekky.

The people running it had no idea.  They had my name wrong on the reservation, thankfully my mobile number was on it or we would have ended up back on the street.

The food was OK.  The long black was not so long.

I was really struggling with my anxiety.  I cant handle noise (and there was a noisy child in the cafe) when Im am really anxious.

Last week was better at work.  I dont remember Monday.  After brekky on Sunday and Monday is a bit of a blur.

On Tuesday, I started off anxious and couldnt concentrate or focus very well and for some reason later in the day the fog in my head cleared and I was able to finally do some work.  So I stayed until 6pm to get as much as I could possibly could.

Wednesday and Thursday were much the same, start at 7am and work until 6pm and achieving as much as possible and then going to bed at a reasonable hour and sleeping like the dead.

My Friday session at the PTSD clinic was a bit emotional, as she wanted details re my suicidal thoughts the week before.  Im not used to talking about them.

Thinking of my scary thoughts makes me emotional.  i dont like to think about them.

I managed to get a few things done in the afternoon, which helped make me feel good. eg. post office, GP to get the referral I lost for the psychiatrist, picking up kitty’s tablets from the Vet.

Bf and I went out to Japanese.  We tried a place not to far away, that we hadnt tried before.  It was OK.  Not as good as our regular.

And then it went downhill when he told me his mother rang him and asked him something, which made me think that I shouldve know better than going out with an ethnic man, as they usually like to do what their mothers ask. (I hope I dont offend anyone, I put is as “P.C” as I could.

When we got home I smoke a few cigarettes, cried to some 30 Seconds music and then went to bed.

I was supposed to go to the beach with a friend and her son on Saturday morning, but I didnt sleep so great, due to something bf told me his mother asked him to do.

I did manage to get up around midday, only because I had to get to an XtendBarre class I had already paid for and then a group meeting with some of the XtendBarre goers re the 60 Day Challenge I am starting today.

Yesterday there was a fundraiser at the Sabre Centre for our young British sabre couch, who has been diagnosed with GBS and has to go back to the UK to his family for a lot of rehab etc. to help his condition.  Quite sad 😦


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