my thoughts scare me

I had a bit of a sleep in this morning.

Logged into work remotely and worked until about 7.15pm.

I get so much done, because no one interrupts me and I dont get sidetracked chatting to people.

Working from home is great, but I would only want to do it once a week, just so I can get work done.

Earlier this evening, I was watching some of the newer 30 Seconds to Mars music videos, which I hadnt seen, because I hardly turn the TV on anymore.

30 Seconds to Mars music videos

I only just remembered maybe yesterday, that I record a music video show that is on Saturday mornings, and I havent watched it for weeks.

For some reason they make me cry.


We are going to see 30 Seconds to Mars at the end of March and I cant wait.

Last time they were here a couple of years ago, I was in a depression that I have had since 2010, and gave the tickets to one of bfs friends.

I love Jared Leto, he is sooo pretty.

More Jared Leto pics.

I found on the internet tonight that they are also doing a showing of their Artifact short movie at a cinema in Sydney and for $250, I can meet them along with many others Im sure, before the movie.

It is probably something only young people do and would probably be the only grown up there, but I really, really want to go.

bf would never pay it, but I really want to.  I am worried though, that I will cry in front of them, like some 12 year old.  How embarrassing.

All  I seem to do is cry these days.

I was sitting on the back stairs, wishing I didnt feel so crap (psychologically) and then making something to eat and thoughts of suicide kept creeping into my head.  The same suicide scenario that I always play in my mind.

Ive been feeling quite anxious as well.

Im finding it a bit scary.

bf is home, so Im out of here.  He doesnt know I have a blog or about these thoughts.


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