Lost

I feel so lost.
I have no one to talk to about how I feel or a shoulder to cry on. I know they can’t fix it. I just wish I knew someone that understood how I feel.
I feel so low and empty and just want to cry and i don’t cry a lot.
Today I laid in bed until about 1pm, some Saturdays I will only get out of bed because bf is coming home from work and don’t want him to know I stay I’m bed all day when he is at work. I would do it everyday if he wasn’t home or if I didn’t have to work.
I would get up to feed the kitties though.
My anxiety is making it hard to concentrate at work. I’m worried I might have to either retire early due to medical issues. I worry I’m going to get dimensia or Alzheimer’s because my memory is so crap. Or maybe do a more mundane job that it wi t affect so much.
The drugs are making me put on heaps of weight and I have no motivation to exercise. Most of my clothes do t fit. I feel so fat and ugly.
I’m sitting in the car waiting for bf so we can go to a friends BBQ. I just want to hide away so no one can see me.
I need a hug. But there is no one to give me one.
I don’t tell anyone my problems and my friends, family and bf are so oblivious to what I’m going through.
Only the kitties keep me going.

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20 thoughts on “Lost

  1. Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. Maybe talking about this with your bf helps? (I’m sorry I don’t know how much he knows.) All I can offer you are some dozens of virtual hugs and my ear to listen to you if you want to. It’s good that you’ve written everything down like this, I’m sure this already helps a bit. xoxoxo

  2. I feel the same way today, I am right now studying outside of my country and away from my family, I called each one of them today in the morning and I had no reply from any so far… I just wanted to release some negative thoughts but I couldn’t… eventually, and after time, I’m neutral… so that’s what I’d suggest for you. We all get that moment where we have the feeling to burst, but it passes by eventually.
    Hang in there, and think of it one more time when you are relaxed.
    Try to enjoy your weekend with your BF.
    I’ll try to do my best to.

  3. Hey Kat..I sent you a message last night from my iphone, but looks like it didn’t make it:(
    Anyways I was just sending you a cyber hug!
    Meds are cruel with weight gain..try not to beat yourself up:) xxxxx

  4. Thinking of you. I know it’s difficult…I know it feels like it will never change. But I also know it does. Moods and feelings shift. Until then, look after yourself and those kitties. xo.

  5. I’m so sorry you had to go through this because I know how awful it is!! I live alone and desperately miss hugs because I’m a very physical person. When my dog was alive, I hugged him all the time and he’d come to me for hugs, too!! He was adorable!! I’d have another one, but I am unable to take care of myself and I’m not going to ask a dog to come into my life if I can’t take care of him/her.

    Like the others have commented, I can send you hugs like this ((())) and send my thoughts and love and keep you in my prayers!! Blogs are great for writing out our feelings — they’ll still be there, but it sure helps to get them out on paper, so to speak!! Especially when you know there are so many who understand, because that helps you not feel so alone or weird — at least that’s how it affects me.

    You’ll be in my prayers tonight — it’s Sunday night here — and I pray that you will have a blessed week as possible, Kat!!

    So glad you have your kitties!!
    Kathy

  6. Hi, Kat. I’ve been reading backwards through the posts, so it looks like maybe you’re doing a bit better now, but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry you were/are having such a rough time. Hugs to you and your kitties.

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