On Friday bf asked if I wanted to go to fencing again for some practice and wanted to know if I minded him ring the lady that runs the fencing centre with her husband.
I said I “maybe” would go. It was the last thing I really wanted to do and “maybe” really meant no. I didnt mind if he rang the lady to see what suggestion/s she could provide re my self confidence to help me at the grading comp on Sunday.
After he rang, my anxiety raised his ugly head and I felt nauseous. Fencing is the last place I wanted to go and was happy I had two days away from there.
When bf rang back later, after he had spoken to the fencing lady, he told me we were going. I told him I said “maybe” and he said we were going now. 😦
I went home and because I had taken a laxative earlier, my stomach was expelling my stomach contents. My medication has been blocking me up and making me put weight on. When the laxative starts to really kick in my stomach aches for a while, until it gets rid of my stomach contents.
When he got home, I said I didnt want to go because my stomach was playing up. He cracked the shits, so I ended up going.
It was not good. I was still feeling very self conscious, depressed and unmotivated. I practiced with the lady that bf talked to and another couple of girls. I have to admit my effort was poor and I lost against the girls, but didnt really care. All I wanted to do was go home.
When we finished we went to watch the guys and I was not feeling terribly sociable. Hayel came over after about 10 minutes and said “let’s go”. I said that I thought he wanted to stay and that it was OK. But he insisted. So we went home.
He hardly talked to me until Sunday morning, which did not help.
On Friday night he said he was annoyed at me. On Sunday he said he didnt talk to me because he was nervous and then later on Sunday, said he was annoyed. Make your mind up! He had the shits with me.