feelin’ so fat

I used to be a nice thin sized 10.  I felt comfortable, even though some people told me I was too skinny.

Between last September ish and June 2012 I put on 10kgs and now I feel like a “fatty boom ba”!

Im assuming it was due to the lack of motivation and activity.

I try not to eat too much bad food.  The more I try not to the harder it is.

During the day at work it is generally pretty easy to eat good food.

But when I get home I crave norty food.

Hopefully if we start doing two classes of kung fu and the fencing once a week, I will start to lose some weight.

It just seems that if I even look at food I get and feel fatter.

I so want to be 57kg again!  Ive been told I was too skinny then, but I felt comfortable.

I still have my favourite jeans (3 pairs) that I really want to fit back into one day.

I just wish I could be more motivated to exercise more and more in control, so I wouldnt eat.

I am 6ft, so I can get away with a bit more than a shorter person, but I feel like a blob and even sometimes a beached whale!  Im so embarrassed of the way I look.  When I walk in the street I look at the ground.

Sometimes I catch people staring at me, I assume because of my huge thighs or bags under my eyes that I got from my mother because Im getting older.  😦

I wish I never had to go outside.  My kitties dont care what I look like or what I wear.  They love me anyways 🙂


14 thoughts on “feelin’ so fat

  1. If you’ve put on 10kg from 57kg, and your 6ft, you won’t be looking whale-like. I accept fully that you might feel that but, maybe it’s not actually reality. Is there someone you trust you can ask for their opinion? Sometimes we can be way off base on how we really look. I have that problem all the time but I know what is an ok weight for my height and try to work on that basis.

  2. At six foot this sounds like it’s probably the right weight for you. Enjoy your curves! I used to be a stick and it’s really not a healthy or attractive way to be. If you feel fat you’ll just get upset and angry with yourself. You probably look absolutely normal and as Cate said, it’s hard to judge how you really look to others (I feel fat after a big dinner, but in truth I probably look no fatter than I did before I ate!) 😀

  3. I know what you mean. I want so badly to be back to my skinny self. People say I am “healthy” now but “healthy” is not what I want to be. Ehk. xx

  4. Since the real kick of bipolar began I have put on a lot of weight. From a size 8 to a 14!( UK)I’m 5’8 so it doesn’t look awful and thankfully due to my frame I look more like Christina Hendricks from mad men then I do Jabba the hut. The weight gain was due to medication increases, decreases and comfort eating during the depressive periods which due to my cycle has been more often than the highs.

    I was a super skinny teen and in my early twenties but I am starting to embrace the curves – thankfully I’m an old soul so the fashion that’s in at present suits my shape and my personality. Don’t get me wrong if I could lose 14lb I’d be happy and to me my perfect size… 🙂

    Don’t worry we have all been where you are now x

  5. I’m a size 10 now but was creeping into an 11. Weight gain no matter how big or small can do your head in!…My meds were in control but I’ve now taken hold of the reins!!!! Lol
    More power to those that don’t let it bother them! x

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