why does it have to be so hard

When a hurdle comes up, not easy ones, ones that cause stress and elevate my depression and anxiety.

The first thing I think of and wish for is for it to be over.  I just dont want to have to deal with this crap anymore.

Today, I managed to drag myself out of bed.  It was a little easier because kitty was making a racket and wanted to go outside.

Work was going OK until…

There are two contractors that have been here for at least 2 -3 years in my team.  They like to have chats (“bitch”) with each other about the amount of time I have had off work over the last 18 months.  They are contractors, why do they care?  It doesnt affect them in any way.  Do they seriously think I do it because I couldnt be bothered coming to work and if that was the case, it is none of their business.  They get paid and it’s not like they do the work I do when Im not here.

Our Team Leader, who is also a contractor, and only went into that position when our previous Team Leader left.  I am finding mostly that he is an easy person to work for/with.  I mentioned to him that the reason I have had so much time off is due to medical reasons and he said he didnt know.  I wonder why he thought I was taking so much time off?

I just dont need this shit from anyone.  All I need right now is something else to stress about and which will bring me down again. F**K!!!  It always seems to be one hurdle after another.  Why cant people just mind their own business and just work as a team.  There is definitely a lot of “I”s in this team.

They have their own thing going on between them with work and I have no idea what they are doing, they dont communicate with me what they are doing, so when I do something and I havent told them and they get pissed off.  They dont tell me, so how the F**K am I supposed to know.

I wish kitty and I could go to sleep and never wake up.  It would be so much easier.

F**K I hate people!  They make life so fn difficult.  (There is a small percentage of people I dont hate).  But the majority of people are selfish and it’s all about them and they dont give a shit about anyone else.



6 thoughts on “why does it have to be so hard

  1. You’ve nailed it, Kat!! The majority of people are selfish, self-centered and think it’s their right to tell you how to live/not live your life. I pastor-friend once said, “Why do you think we’re told so often to ‘love one another’? Jesus knows how hard it is to love people. Look what they did to Him!!!” I’m surrounded by idiots on each apt next to mine who try to make my life a living hell!! I never caught a break — not even when fighting breast cancer on top of all these mental/emotional illnesses: they knew and didn’t give a sh**!! Yet one makes a big production of “being a Christian.” She and her type are why I do not label myself “Christian.” I follow Jesus, but I refuse to be lumped into their category. I’m far from perfect, but I do not want to be like them in any way!!

    And I certainly know the feeling of wanting to go to sleep and never wake up again!!

    God bless you!!

    • Im not religious, to lack of faith in anything these days, but I think the fact that you follow Jesus but arent lumped into a category is a great idea. I find a lot of religious people are hippocrits. (dont think I spelt that correctly). They say how there Catholics or Christians and they are the worst offenders! God Bless You Kathy. 🙂

  2. Sorry you’re having such in your work environment. It is so hard when people don’t understand there is medical reasons to be missing work and you’re not just a slacker!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s