one step back

I didnt go to work today.  I stayed at home all day and slept most of it.

Im sooooooo tired all the time.  Im not sure why.  It doesnt matter if I sleep 6 hours or 12 hours, I just feel tired.

It is so hard to leave the house.  It is a struggle every day.

bf doesnt know. He went to work before me, so will assume I got out of bed and went to.

When bf is working on Saturday or Sunday or both, I dont leave the house and spend most of the day in bed.

Im over being so exhausted all the time.

Other than than I feel much the same –  flaaaaaaaaaat.  I dont get enjoyment from much.  Just my kitties.

We have tickets to Smashing Pumpkins tonight and even though they are my favourite band, I would rather stay home in my PJs and go to bed early.

Last year, we had tickets to 30 Seconds to Mars. I missed it.   I just couldnt bear it.  My anxiety and panic attacks were a lot worse back then. I  think that was last year.  Or was it the year before??  Cant remember.  Like most things I cant remember.

I had to swallow a few valiums for the last Marilyn Manson gig we saw.


8 thoughts on “one step back

  1. I hope you make yourself go to the concert! I’m sure it will be awesome.

    You need to start exercising regularly, it might help you feel less exhausted from your depression all the time. 🙂

  2. I also hope that you got to the concert and that you had a good time 😀

    I think River’s suggestion about exercise is a good one, when I ride my exercise bike regularly it definitely helps me to feel more energetic. It’s a secondhand one that I found on E-Bay, and only cost me around a hundred dollars. Seeing it sitting in the dining room every day is a great motivator to do something, even when I feel too low to go out.

  3. I bought a treadmill about a month ago and was using the Couch to 5K iPhone app, which get couch users gradually to run 5kms. My goal is to be able to do the Park Run, which is 5kms and I volunteer every couple of weeks to help run it on Saturday mornings. It is solely run by Volunteers, so it can be free for people who attend.

  4. there´s a great book called Spark that describes the connection between exercise and the brain. so many studies have been done now showing that even walking every day will do a lot to lift depression. God bless you on your journey…He´s there, call on Him for help. He will answer.

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