still feeling ok


I still feel flat, flat, flat and other than my kitties, bf and blog, life still feels dull, dull, dull.

BUT, I am definitely better than I was.  I actually smile at people I dont know sometimes and even had a chat to a lady that I have seen at the  bus stop many, many times and I have hardly said “boo” to, until yesterday.  We had a nice chat on the bus about everyday stuff.

I would still rather stay at home in bed with the kitties all day.

Home is my “safe place” and my kitties are what have kept me from leaving this life.  I would never leave them without their Mummy.

When I went to the Black Dog Institute last year and completed a couple of very long questionnaires, I was told that I am mildly agoraphobic, which didn’t surprise me at all.  It made a lot of sense.

Hopefully the meds will at least keep me at this level.  I can exist with this, less depression and no panic attacks or anxiety.  At least I am making it to work more often now.  It was going to start to become a problem if I kept missing work any longer.

It would be nice to feel “normal” or what I imagine “normal” feels like.  Excited, motivated, energetic at times and maybe even not bored.

Maybe that comes when I am told I can stop taking the meds.  The doctor did say that eventually I shouldn’t need them.  I cant imagine it actually.

So who knows if it is going to get better than this?  The doctor made it sound like I would be very motivated and more energetic, but I’m not feeling that yet.

Im on the maximum dosage for Pristiq, so I’m not feeling very optimistic.  I can feel another drug coming on in the future. 😦

I have been motivated to do a Foreward and one chapter of my book.  Yey!  That’s a start.

If you’re reading/following my blog/s, I hope you’re finding them interesting enough and it’s not too boring.

I’m enjoying all your blogs  🙂


4 thoughts on “still feeling ok

  1. I know at times it’s difficult not to be, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I think you’ve been incredibly brave, not only to talk to the lady on the bus yesterday, but to have started your book! How very exciting … well done 🙂

  2. Starting a book is awesome! Well done… And even though I don’t know you and your history, things CAN get better! Keep writing and blogging and trying to do the things you love. Good luck!

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