Still quite dull

Although I have been feeling better the last couple of days, I still think life is dull, dull, dulllllllllll.

I still would prefer just to lay in bed with the cats all day and not do anything or see anyone at all.  Just to stay in my “happy place” (home) would be awesome.

Work is very quiet, as we are not doing any projects at the moment.  It’s kinda boring.  I guess that is OK though because I was able to finish the online Phone App course and passed the open book exam.

I have another online App course to do, which shows you how to create apps without having to code.  I cant code to save myself.  My brain just does not like coding.  I need an Apple Mac to learn the iPhone app software.  Ive never been a Mac person.  Most people I know that own one, is because they are a trendy laptop to have.  Im content with Windows.  It’s cheaper and you can download heaps of free software and tools for it  AND add new hardware and components to make it do what you want.

So I am reading through other peoples blogs that have experience with depression.  It sucks that so many people suffer from it, but I find it interesting to read about how they feel and deal with it.  Most dont seem to really be dealing with it too well.

I wish I had a shrink that I could talk to and maybe they could help.  They are way to expensive.  The last quote I got from a shrink was $350 for the first session.  Unbelievable!  Im am definitely in the wrong line of work.

This is one of the reasons I started a blog.  I can say whatever Im feeling and there is no judgement and I wont worry any friends or relatives.  I dont like to tell them my problems.  Im sure they have enough of their own problems to deal with.

Dad’s Dad, not much he can do.  I went to stay with him for 3 weeks last year.  He said he would try and help me, but the help never eventuated.  Too close to home for him I think.  My brother doesnt believe in it or the medications.  My sister has the same issues.  We talk sometimes about it, but not often.  At least we understand how the other is feeling and their is no judgement.

My friends have no idea what a hard time Ive been having over the last 18 months.  A couple of the girls know I have depression, but I dont talk to them about it.  My bf knows, but there is no support from him.  He is a typical guy that feels uncomfortable talking about “feelings”.  I cant even get a hug out of him 😦

I so wish I had a “hug buddy”.

He has been better the last couple of days.  I guess we will see how it goes.  I reminded him that I still want hugs sometimes.  A miracle may occur, but I doubt it.

My kitty N gives me the most affection.  I love him sooooooo much.
He follows me around, talks (meows) to me and I talk back.  He gets under the doona in the morning when my alarm goes off for a belly rub and a spoon.  He also tucks me in at night and for a belly rub too.

He gives  me the warm and fuzzies.

I love him more than anyone or anything in the WHOLE wide world.  I think he knows that and I see the love in his eyes when he looks at me.  Even if sometimes it is just for food.  But he loves the affection I give him.

Im also doing an online book writing class.  We are up to the part where we start writing.  Im am having trouble me strict enough to allocate time to sit down and do it.  I have plenty of ideas in my head, but am easily distracted by everything else.

Ho Hum.

I should do some reading about VMWare and/or Windows, just so I can learn some more.  Could not be arsed.

I would rather go to sleep now than do anything.


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