I just dont see any point to anything anymore.
I have no drive, motivation to do anything other than make sure my kitties are looked after.
They are only young so probably would adapt quicker if I disappeared from their lives.
Work is a boring and there is no job satisfaction anymore. They dont give me enough work and when they do its data entry, admin work. I cant ask for more or appear to eager because people get threatened by this and it then I become a target.
People want to take all the credit for themselves and not as a team, nor do they want anyone else to shine.
I dont want to shine brighter than anyone else. I just want to do a good job and help out the team. I like to be busy and I do get a lot done, but this is not helping my cause.
So I just have to be bored and hope they will give me more work.
This doesnt make sense in my head, but that is how a colleague has explained it to me and with what I went through last year with two people, I can see it being true even if it doesnt make any sense to me to do it this way.
I have no motivation to do anything outside of work.
I dont really enjoy anything anymore.
Only my kitties of course. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the attention they need, when all I have the energy for is to do nothing. I really do try to play with them as much as I can.
Sometimes I feel like just laying in bed, staring at the roof and nothing else.
I wish I could go to sleep and be with my babies Neo & Morpheus, wherever they are, and not have to deal with this life anymore. I just want to be with them. Life is not the same since I lost Neo last year.
I feel like handing over our investments for our retirement to my partner, so I just dont have to care anymore and go and hide away somewhere and disappear forever. I cant fathom all the years left to go to retirement, going to work and having to put up with humans who just want to shove me in a dark corner and hope I disappear.