Well last year was a really crap year.
It all started at the end of 2017 when a new boss started and starting making my life a nightmare. It carried on through 2018 and thankfully as a Christmas present to everyone he resigned and finishes next week.
If you’ve read my blog you would know I have been struggling with depression for a while and was SO close to the edge and falling over it.
His way to manage this was to try and get rid of me and try to have me medically retired. This made it worse. I wish I could retire! Life would be a lot easier without having to find the energy to drag myself out of bed and go to work everyday.
I was then to start working with a new girl, which wasnt an issue. She seemed nice at the start, but turned out to one of the most horrible people I have ever worked with and very passive agressive. My manager informed me that she had been complaining about me, but would not tell me exactly what about, so I had no idea what it was I had done or how to fix it. We had a meeting to try and resolve it and we both agreed we could move forward. A week later apparently she was still complaining about me.
This was not helping my depression or getting to work with my horrible boss and bully co-worker. This caused me to take sick days and then after a a whole week at home I managed to drag myself back to find out I was being relocated by my CIO to work for my old boss on a project. This was a relief!
If I hadnt been relocated, I dont think I would have a job anymore and may not have made it to the end of 2018.
When I started on the project with one of my former colleagues I found out that the Project Manager was getting rid of him. This surprised me, as I had previously found him great to work with.
After a couple of months of being on the project, I started to see why my former colleague was so unhappy. The Project Manager was very passive aggressive and was not nice to a lot of people.
I was next.
It was great to work for my old boss as we work really well together, but the Project Manager treated me really poorly.
During the first couple of months on the project, I lost my soulmate/best friend 18 y.o. kitty Neo.
This left me empty, numb and incredibly heartbroken.
Going home to an empty house without his furry face at the front door and following me everywhere was so painful.
I am still heartbroken and miss him SO much.
No being will ever come close to what he meant to me and the bond we had.
My partner not being emotionally available was good for a week and then went back to his usual unavailable, moody self.
It has been an even more lonelier year than any of the previous years with partner.
I now had no soulmate.
I talk to him every night before I go to sleep and wish that I could just not wake up and be with him wherever he is. If he is anywhere.
Im a skeptic and dont believe in anything, so am not convinced that we go somewhere and that I will ever see him again.
If there is such a place, I ask him to be in my dreams, so I can at least be happy in my dreams.
So far, I have not seen him in my dreams.
My Dad’s cancer came back a couple of months ago, after two years in remission.
Three months earlier his check up showed no cancer and now its back and aggressive.
We nearly lost him over Xmas, as he caught pneumonia due to the chemo killing his immune system.
He is still with us and very slowly improving. We just have to see how he goes day to day.
I can only hope this year is better. It couldnt possible top last year…
tryingtoescapethedarkness 